My Debut Essay Was Published in Hobart Today: It's a story of what I gave up to stay, & what I had to reclaim to leave.
- Rachel Young
- Jun 1
- 2 min read
Some stories are not clean.
Some stories smolder for years, buried under the weight of slow-burning obligation, self-doubt and the thousand little ways we learn to stay silent.
Negotiations, my first published essay, found a home with Hobartand has just been released into the light of day.
This essay speaks to the harm I experienced, permitted and perpetuated in the final months of my marriage. It’s a story of erosion: of self, of voice, of clarity--a story tucked inside something that once looked like care and obligation. It’s about self-harm and chaos and what happens when your needs are too tender, too new, to form a voice—so please take care when reading.
I was married for 15 years. There were moments of love and laughter. But even then—even from the very beginning—I understood my relationship was a Pay to Play kind of thing, and the cost was paid in pieces of myself.
At first, I believed neglecting my own needs and accepting a skewed version of reality was the price of peace. But unmet needs don’t vanish simply because they’re kept in the dark. Our minds and bodies will eventually demand a reckoning. When the survival of a marriage depends on serving the most vocal needs, the silence becomes deafening. Eventually, the rules of engagement must change. This essay marks the genesis of that change.
I thought for a long time about not submitting Negotiations. Even after it was accepted by Hobart, I considered pulling it back. But in the end, I let it speak—because if even one person reads it and sees themselves, maybe they’ll feel a little less alone.
Maybe they’ll remember that strength doesn’t always look like bravery. Sometimes it looks like listening to the tiny voice that whispers:this isn’t love. you deserve more. you’ll be okay.
We don’t always get a soft landing.
But there is life on the other side.And sometimes, telling the truth out loud is how we begin again.
Thank you for reading.Thank you for seeing me.Thank you for being here.
Read Negotiations here: https://www.hobartpulp.com
Congratulations on the publication of your essay, which is so deeply heartfelt and moving. I’m so glad you realized, Rachel, that your value was far greater than your marital circumstances allowed.
You are so gifted in your artwork and now, in your very adept and meaningful writings. I’m sure these words were difficult to write, but they came from a place of love. And of self love, which is necessary on the path to healing.